FireRed: Misadventures
by Rinapants
Summary: Join PKMN Trainer Stephanie, as she travels Kanto with her possibly man eating Charmander, Otoro, and her rival, Gary. Will she be able to catch them all, or will she just go insane and give up? Parody, first Pokemon fanfic.
1. Squirtles can't cook their Trainers

**A/N: My summer project. Yay for making a parody!**

**Disclaimer: Pokemon Fire Red is in no way owned by me. I only own a copy of the game, not the rights. I'm in no way making money from this spoof. In fact, I'm probably going to be loosing money by having to buy a pedestal for my friend Stephanie now.**

"Are you a boy…?"

"Huh?"

"Or a girl?"

"What is this place?!"

"A girl…?"

"In this case, yes. Yes I am."

"What's your name?"

"STALKER!" The young pokemon trainer screamed as she looked around the dark room. "WHERE AM I?"

"Just shut up and tell me your freaking name!" Professor Oak screamed back, brandishing his pokeball. "I've worked to goddamn long to deal with your shit! NOW WHAT IS YOUR FREAKING NAME?"

The pokemon trainer gulped as she quickly wrote down a name on the tablet of letters and numbers that had appeared before her eyes. Stephanie, as the tablet now said, looked over at Oak fearfully. "Are you going to kill me now?" She gulped.

"Oh, so your name is Stephanie?" The old professor said peacefully.

Stephanie blinked as she looked at the man. "Uh, duh."

The professor nodded, then pointed to his grandson. "Here's my grandson. You hate his guts. Go kill him. Now. After, of course, you tell me his name." He chuckled softly as the orange haired trainer stared at him in disbelief.

"I'm GARY, Gramps!" The orange haired trainer yelled. "How could you forget about me?!"

Ignoring Gary, Oak turned back to the young girl. "Stephanie!" A dramatic pause ensured as Stephanie rearranged the hat on her head, and turned to stare at him.

"Yessssss?"

"You're going to become a STAR! I mean, Pokemon Legend! I always mix those two up, you see." He added, as if everyone made such mistakes.

"Uh huh. Do I get paid for this?"

"No."

"Any benefits?"

"Nope."

"Anything at all?"

"You might get a pedestal with your name on it in about fifty hours. If you're lucky."

"SWEET, I'M GAME."

The black room vanished, and the girl was shrunk down… When her vision cleared, she was back in her own room, playing her NES.

"Damn! I gotta stop playing Zelda when I'm sleepy…" Stephanie muttered as she picked herself up off the ground, and exited her room. Once down stairs, she found her room sitting at the table, staring at the wall.

"Freaking drug addict…" She muttered as she walked over to her mom and sat down beside her. "So what are we having for supper tonight?" Her mom turned to her and gave a grave sigh.

"I know, I know. Every girl dreams of traveling."

"But I want supper…" Stephanie instantly protested.

"NO! Don't try to make me feel better! It said so on TV!"

"…Mom?"

"The professor is looking for you."

"OHNO! I AM NOT GOING BACK TO HIM AFTER HE TRIED TO SHOW ME HIS 'SPECIAL POKEMAN'." Stephanie yelled, shaking her head wildly. "There is no such THING as a pokeman!"

After a short wrestling match with her mother, Stephanie was disowned until she went to see the good professor.

Grumbling as she stepped outside, the young, soon to be pokemon trainer looked around. To the right of her was that dumb ol' Gary's house. To the north was a patch of grass. To the south was.. her torture, and two other people. Wait… She looked at the people, then at the houses. Neither of them was related to her or Gary, and she knew that the professor didn't use them as aides because he kill…sent them to Johto when they were no longer useful. She raised an eyebrow, and started the short, thirty step walk over to the professors lab.

Stepping into the building, Stephanie glared at the people around her. Damn aides were FOOLS. Fools she said! Bwhaha! (Insert coughing) She shook her head to stop day dreaming, and walked towards the back of the building.

The only one she found back there was that damn Gary. Ever since he…uh…did whatever he did that caused her to hate him, she didn't want to go near him! And of course, they were always close together. When they went to school, Gary's sister took them together. When they graduated from trainer's school, graduated together. THEY WERE EVEN IN THE SAME TOWN AS EACH OTHER! Why couldn't she escape him?!

As she sat there sobbing her eyes out, Gary looked over at her. "Oh, it's only you." He said as he pushed his stupid spiky hair out of his eyes. "Gramps isn't here." He said before looking to the side. "Stupid senile bastard."

This caused Stephanie to sigh and rethink her plan. The only sure fire way was to go out into the grass. She cleared her throat, and grinned. "OH DEAR." She yelled after exiting the lab and started walking towards the grass by her house. "I MUST FIND THE OLD PROFESSOR BEFORE A PIDGEY EATS HIS EYES OUT. BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY POKEMON. OH WELL, I'M SURE I'LL BE FINE WITH OUT IT." She yelled as she walked along to the grass.

Of course, Professor Oak appears then. Stupid prick. He started his spiel about wild pokemon, tall grass and monkey's uncles as soon as he reached her. After that, he led her back to the lab, where she wanted to shoot him. How could he even THINK of doing that to her? How inconsiderate!

Once back inside, Gary instantly started his whining. "Grampsssssss." Was the first thing Stephanie heard, "Why are you making me wait? I'm your only grandson! Gimme a pokemon! You promised!" And Gary called himself 16. Go figure.

Professor Oak, on the other hand, had totally forgotten why he wanted the two teenagers there in the first place. "Let's see…" He paused, rubbing his chin. "Oh yes! Pokemon! Stephanie! I want you to go and choose your pokemon. Go on, pick one of your own choosing." He pushed her towards the table, telling her all about how he caught the pokemon when he was young. Stephanie just tuned that part out, because she didn't believe in listening to old peoples stories. Specially when they started with 'When I was young'… Gary, of course, protested.

"Gramps! I want one! Why can't I have one?!" Oak just waved his hand, telling the boy he had to wait.

Stephanie quietly inspected the pokemon, not sure which to choose. Sure, Bulbasaur was cool and all, but who chose a grass pokemon? Like really. Who? Staring at the Squirtle, she frowned. It looked like it was going to eat her. Seriously. That left her with the fire pokemon. Who would probably burn her a million times, but that was better then being eaten by the turtle.

Picking up the pokeball, she turned to Oak. "That pokemon is really energetic!" He interrupted before she could say a word.

"O…h." After naming the red lizard Otoro, she was pushed to the side by Sir Stick-up-his-bum.

"I want this one!" He said as he picked Squirtle. Go figure. Turning to Stephanie, he smirked. "Mine looks tougher then yours!" He bragged. Stephanie just stuck her tongue out at him.

"At least mine doesn't look like he's going to eat me at any given moment!" She retorted. Gary smirked.

"Yeah, well Squirtle can't cook me when I'm asleep." Stephanie's face just fell. She never thought of that.

After pouting over that fact for a minute, she decided to leave to see if she could come back home. Of course, Gary had other plans.

"Wait, Stephanie!" He yelled after her, before walking towards her. "Let's have a battle. To the death!"

"Let's not, and say we did. Or have a pokemon battle instead." Stephanie suggested as she pulled the red and white ball out. "I choose you, Otoro!"

The screen flashed, and changed to the dramatic battle screen. RIVAL GARY WOULD LIKE TO BATTLE! The bottom text read. The two pokemon trainers looked down at it.

"Uh…Cool, I guess." Gary said with a small shrug, before sending his Squirtle out to battle.

Oak totally ignored the text, and sighed. "Gary, why are you so pushy…?" He turned to Stephanie, and sighed again. "Good luck."

Stephanie frowned as she looked at the moves in front of her. Growl and scratch. How was scratch going to do ANY damage against the pokemon in front of her? Somehow, it did. After a few rounds of scratching, growling and tackling, Stephanie had won. "WOOHOO!" She yelled as the turtle fell to the ground. "TAKE THAT, YOU BLUE THING!"

Soon the text was saying that Player had defeated Rival Gary.

"Since when was her name Player?" Gary asked in confusion. Oak pretended not to hear, and looked over at his grandson. "Aren't you going to complain about picking the wrong pokemon?" Oak asked.

"No. Why would I?"

"…It seems very you like." Stephanie admitted.

Gary just sighed. "I'm not always whiny, you know!" He paused, and then frowned. "I'm going to toughen Squirtle up! We're going to win next time, for sure! Smell ya later, Stephanie! Smell ya later, Gramps!" And with that, Gary exited and Stephanie saved her progress.

**A/N: So do you guys like it? I like it. And so does the Stephanie this is based off of. Tomorrow we'll do the first city, and then some, methinks.**

**  
It hurt, a lot, to restart this game. xD I hope I'll do better THIS time though!**


	2. Can we PLEASE get our Cocacola!

**A/N: Race cars are fast!**

**Disclaimer: Pokemon Fire Red is in no way owned by me. I only own a copy of the game, not the rights. I'm in no way making money from this spoof. In fact, I'm probably going to be loosing money by having to buy a pedestal for my friend Stephanie now.**

Stepping out into the blinding sunlight, Stephanie groaned as she pulled her hat over her face. "I thought you were supposed to protect my eyes…" She grumbled as she stumbled over the path over to her own house to see if her mother would let her in. She did. For a price.

Stephanie now had a quest. One that would take great courage…Great strength…And great cunning. She had to go to Viridian City because of her mother crack addiction… Well, that's what she wanted to think. Really, it was because her mother had a video game addiction, and no one in Pallet Town sold games. Ever. And Stephanie wanted a case of good old fashion Coca-Cola.

Grumbling as she walked out of town, she stepped into wild grass only to hear frenzied music play. Her world shook as they were transferred to the battle scene. A giant box of text appeared, obscuring the view of her legs. "THE HELL? WHERE'D MY LEGS GO AND WHATS THIS PIDGEY NONSENSE?" The box was flashing the words "Wild PIDGEY appeared".

Otoro quickly jumped out from the pokeball as she threw it, and she sighed with relief. It turns out you DID need a pokemon to leave Pallet town. Otoro quickly took care of the pidgey with it's claws.

"Hey! Good job, Otoro!" She said happily as she pulled out her pokeball. "Did you have a good lunch?" The pokemon, after it had fainted, was shoved into Otoro's mouth. He nodded, and looked at the pokeball wearily. He REFUSED to go back into the pokeball. He dodged the red beam every time it tried to capture him.

"OTORO!" Stephanie snapped as she threw the ball at his head. "Get into your ball dammit!" Otoro stuck his tongue out, and shook his head. "What do you mean no?!" She sighed and folded her arms, quickly analyzing the situation.

"Fine, I get it." Stephanie said as she put the ball away. "I hope it rains on you, Assface." She walked forward a little, Otoro glaring at her back. She paused, causing Otoro to walk right into her. "Oh God! I'm sorry Otoro! I just realized if you got hit in the face with a sideways frisbee, you'd really be an assface!"

Otoro was extremely unimpressed as he glared up at Stephanie. He made a mental note of eating her when he was a big charizard, when no one would say anything to him in fear that they would be carried off and eaten. Or something.

Continuing on with her journey to the town just five minutes away, Stephanie paused to stare at a guy, staring at the trees. Walking over to him, she was about to tap his shoulder when he turned quickly and started talking.

"Hi! I work at the Pokemart." He said quickly, before pulling a bottle out. "Here! Take a free sample!"

"I dunno," Stephanie said as he forced it into her hands. "Mom has always told me not to take candies from strangers." The man ignored her, and continued on with his preplanned speech.

"Come see us if you need Poke Balls!"

"Why would I EVER…Oh, right. I use Pokeballs for catching pokemon…Not…like…Otoro's balls…" She blushed as she quickly inched away, Otoro following after, scared for his life.

Walking quickly through another patch of grass, she groaned as her world shook again. "WHAT IS UP WITH THIS?!" She demanded as her legs were once again blocked by text. "I don't care about rattata's!" She quickly sent Otoro out for his afternoon snack. After the battle, the screen flashed more text. "Otoro is level seven…? Since when did levels matter for pets? That just so happened to protect my life?" Otoro rolled his eyes, and wandered back over to Stephanie as more text flashed before them. "You learned ember too? That means we can actually set things on fire?!" Her eyes sparkled at the thought.

Oh the things Stephanie would do with this flaming lizard.

After talking to another guy, who told her that she should jump over ledges to get back to Pallet down, Stephanie figured she was lost. "WhatdoIdowhatdoIdo?!" She yelled as she looked around wildly. She was going to die, and the only pokemon she had caught was Otoro! That was NOT impressive!

Shaking her head, she walked north. Always walk north, she figured. It was the best solution to all life's problems. Of course, it worked. She gasped as she found the cement and pokemon center. "We did it Otoro! Yay us!"

Walking into the pokemart, Stephanie was instantly attacked with questions.

"YOU THERE, ARE YOU FROM PALLET TOWN?"

"Um… I guess…?" She asked, instantly shocked at the angry question.

"Do you, or do you not know Professor Oak?"

"Well, he gave me Otoro here, but I don't really know him… I mean, he's a grandfather of my rival and all but…"

"He has a parcel. Go be a delivery boy." The shopkeeper thrusted a package at the poor trainer, and refused to acknowledge her request for coca cola and her mothers video game.

Glowering, Stephanie quickly stepped outside. What else _could _she do? She ventured around town, but found that it was full of old men, whom she refused to listen to, and lame trainers. Her last choice was to go back to Oak. Even though he would probably steal Otoro from her. Or something even crueler then that.

As soon as Stephanie reached the lab and was talking to Oak, he asked her how Otoro was. "Firey, as you can tell." She said sarcastically as she tried to give him the package.

"I see he's grown attached to you!" Stephanie rolled the eyes, and pushed the parcel at him again. "You must be a talented trainer."

"Yes, I am." Stephanie snapped. "We've lived through two battles together. WILL YOU TAKE THIS PACKAGE SO I CAN GET SOME COLD DRINKS AND A VIDEOGAME FOR MY MOTHER?"

Oak blinked, and nodded. "You have something for me? Sweet! I wonder if it's Tales of Symphonia for the PS2!" He groaned when he opened the package, and found it was only the custom pokeball. "Oooh, it's just that stupid thing." He grumbled.

After he put the ball away, Gary came running in. "Where's the fire?!" He asked breathlessly. "You called me saying Otoro set the lab on fire!"

Oak just rolled his eyes. "That was just to trick you back into coming here. I have a request for you two." He walked over to the desk, explaining how the pokedex worked, and how he was far too lazy to go out and catch pokemon for his research. Stephanie found this highly suspicious, and reminded herself to find a number for animal control. She had a feeling that PETA would like to come visit Oak sometime to see his experiments.

After she received her pokedex, she frowned. Of course Oak had to add that she actually needed to CATCH them. Luckily for her, he gave her pokeballs. And not of the Otoro variety.

"Hey Gramps! Don't waste your breath on Stephanie! I'm going to do it all by myself!" He then turned to Stephanie to inform her that she was not going to be getting a map from his sister.

Like hell Gary's sister would listen. Stephanie chuckled at the thought, and saved her progress.

**A/N: CRAPPY CHAPTER, CRAPPY CHAPTER. **


	3. Seriously, guys Restraining order NOW

A/N: Finally found my copy of Fire Red, forgive me!

Disclaimer: I do not own pokemon. I just abuse the owners characters for my own fun. When I become a best-seller author you have my permission to abuse my characters back.

Rebooting her saved game, Stephanie tilted her head to the side. "I feel like I was forgotten for a long period of time for no reason!" She shivered, and looked around. She was still in Oak's office.

"Goddammit! Gotta get away…" Stephanie quickly left the building, even though the aides where giving her looks and one even tried to trip her.

Once outside, Stephanie looked down at Otoro and grinned. He had put mud(or pokemon poo, she wasn't sure) under his eyes to make it look like he was a football player or a warrior. Steph compromised and pulled a tube of mascara out of her bag and rubbed it under her eyes.

Looking around nervously, the pokemon-master pair snuck around Oak's building and peered over at Gary's house. It didn't appear like he was there… She tiptoed through the tulips, and opened the door quietly.

Peering inside, Stephanie was given the satisfaction of just seeing Gary's sister inside. No Gary, Oak, or Mr and Mrs Oak today! Actually, now that she thought about it, she never saw recalled ever seeing a Mr and Mrs Oak. The thought struck her as they entered the house fully.

Walking over to Daisy, or whatever her name was, Stephanie opened her mouth to ask where, exactly, her parents where. Instead, Daisy cut her off.

"Grandpa asked you to run a errand?" Stepahnie could only nod, mostly because she was shocked at being cut off. "Haha! Sucks to be you!" Daisy continued to giggle for a few more minutes before grinning. "That's lazy of him! This will help you." Handing over a town map, she turned back around.

"No 'Gary told me not to give you one'?" Stephanie asked, tilting her head. Daisy nodded. "What the hell?! Stephanie fumed as she left the building. All that worrying…for NOTHING? Stomping down the road(which was all of five steps away), Stephanie entered her own home.

"I'm just letting you know that all the adult in this town are lazy and that Oak should probably have to legally tell everyone in this town what turns him on. Also, he's sending me on a incredibly dangerous adventure. I won't be home for supper. Bye." And with that, Stephanie and Otoro stomped out of the house.

Stepping out into the blinding sun(again), Stephanie hurried off to the tall grass that started route 1. "I hope I never have to come back to this hell hole."

After the short walk to Viridian City, with only one Rattata attack that soon joined their small group as Stanley, Stephanie glanced behind her, Otoro stared up at her in confusion.

"Oh good." Stephanie sighed in relief. "No Gary Oak, or his insane grandfather…" She wiped some sweat from her brow, and moseyed on into the pokemon center. "C'mon Otoro. It's time to get your annual inspection." And with that, Stephanie turned on her heel and saved her game.


End file.
